


My Dearest, Prince

by orphan_account



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types, ellsworld - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/F, F/M, Forced Relationship, M/M, Minor Character Death, Princes & Princesses, Royalty, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25571086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I can’t promise I won’t be afraid to hold your hand in front of the whole world, but I can promise I’ll love you more than everyone else in this kingdom, even if they think death will have to break us apart.
Relationships: Tamara/Tori (Eddsworld), Tom/Tord (Eddsworld)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. The First Act: The Aldridge And Coldwell War

Third Person

Once upon a time, long ago, two powerful kingdoms were friends. The queens and kings of both kingdoms grew close and together, to the point they considered each other family. Those two kingdoms that no one dared to even doubt them, for they were the most powerful kingdoms to exist.

King N. Coldwell, the ruler of the ever so powerful Coldwell kingdom. The kingdom of weapons, or technology, as some say. The kingdom where everything was possible. With his incredible artifacts and creations, the world soon became a place full of wonders and 'magic' if some wanted to believe. 

And King P. Aldridge, the ruler of the ever so beautiful Aldridge kingdom. People called it 'The Golden Kingdom' or rather 'The Kingdom of Wealth', as it was known for their abundance in gold and wealth. The kingdom was also known for their beautiful forests and landscapes, as it was often told that the kingdom itself was a reflection of paradise

Once they met, they became lifelong friends, forming a bond between the two. With both their talents combined, they became the most powerful alliance that ever happened to exist. Any kingdom— any Windstone, Velvet, Apollon, anyone, they all bowed to them on their knees. Fearing the two, and the unimaginable power they held.

Despite their status in the court of monarchs, they were still humans, rather than gods. They kept their heads high, though they didn't forget to never be too prideful or too bold. With that said, the friendship between Aldridge and Coldwell had brought happiness to many, themselves included.

They together held celebrations and went to war, the hardest moments were taken care of together and the best moments were shared. The weddings and funerals, the birthdays and galas. 'The Era Of Profectus', they called it. When the world was still simple and when everyone's lives were precious and genuine.

When the world still made sense.

However, everything good that lasts too long is bound to be changed sooner or later, as an affair destroyed the kingdoms' relationship. After said incident, both kingdoms fell in hatred and anger. One of them attacked the other, confirming the everlasting war between them. The once friendship they had was long lost.

All of the moments they shared, all of the tears they cried, they were all forgotten as know anger was the only thing the two kingdoms knew. The fear only grew larger, as the other kingdoms had to face what they had always feared and hoped would never happen. 

The Era of Profectus ended

A rivalry soon was born, both kingdoms fighting for power. As the real reason the friendship broke was never revealed to the people of both kingdoms, the world soon became a place full of death and war. Who could've imagined such a small incident would cause such a big problem? No one knew

Said citizens of the kingdoms soon fell in agony as well, not being able to see their loved ones not their family from the other kingdom. The world changed, and in a long time, it would stay that way

As the rivalry between the two powerful kingdoms only grew and grew, the higher monarchs were unaware of their childrens' actions or feelings. And so, they forced them to hate each other— nothing else mattered to them. The lessons they taught about trust and love were discarded, as now the children were now sworn enemies.

But the two children fell in love. Prince Edward Coldwell and princess Elizabeth Aldridge. Forced to hate each other, but knew deep down that they were meant to be. The only child of Coldwell, and the youngest child of Aldridge, ever so afraid to be apart, yet so determined to be together

Without their tutors knowledge, both lovers met multiple times in a special place no one knew about. Years had passed and they still managed to hide their secret relationship from their tutors. Their love for each other meant everything to them and they planned on escaping multiple times, but life isn't a fairytale where everything ends right, is it?

As the years went by, both children grew up and became young adults. They were both asked multiple to marry princes and princesses from other kingdoms and both didn't agree. They didn't consent, for they were together, and seeing your loved one with someone else that doesn't love them back as much as you do, is something that's not nice.

Elizabeth, however, it was too late for her. Her wedding vows, her so slight doubt that maybe Edward wasn't the best choice— she feared that perhaps she'd regret all the love she gave Edward instead of her future husband. She never spoke about her fears, and they never went away.

Soon, they were forced to be in a loveless marriage. Once the prince Edward knew, he fought with all his might. He protested against his father and against the past generations. He believed that princes and princesses had the right to marry whoever they wished, without being forced to marriage 

All should be able to love whoever they wanted, he screamed, cried, yelled. He truly was the voice of reason in this world ruled by kings and queen blinded by tradition. Of course, those kings and queens who heard to his cries didn't care to listen to his demands, as they chose tradition over their own young.

Edward was punished by his father, as he was locked in a room for many weeks. Though when he got the right to come out of the room, for his dismay, Elizabeth's wedding was still planned and was about to happen the next day. With all his might after stepping out of the cold shallow room, he ran away to his lover's home.

The prince explained the plan to the princess. At first she didn't agree, thinking that her father would probably find out and kill the prince. She didn't hide her fears and told the boy. But stubborn as always, the prince insisted. With a heavy heart, the princess accepted not only after a few minutes of discussion

The day of the princess' wedding, she escaped. Without any explanation or letter for her parents, she ran away to the special place she and the prince met for the first time.

Ruining her wedding dress and heels muddy and dirty, she ran. She kept running as she followed the path of the meeting. Once she got there, the prince arrived at the same time as her. Looking at each other in the eyes, the prince smiled as the princess walked to him and took him by the hand. Both lovers walked into the forest towards the fountain where they met all of those years ago, their hearts beating ever so quickly

A priest was waiting for them the whole time and was ready to get them married. The priest wasn't from the kingdom and didn't understand why would they keep the wedding in secret, though he didn't ask. Once the priest finally said the words, the two lovers kissed lovingly and got married. Taking each other by the hand, they walked away, happy to finally be together, with no one to try to keep them apart

The two kingdoms weren't happy with the news. With their children missing, they could only think of their children murdered by the rival kingdom. Without hesitation, the war between them would soon reached an end. As the Aldridge kingdom attacked first with a small army of soldiers, the Coldwell kingdom attacked back in the worst possible way

The Aldridge kingdom was bombed and left to disappear. Millions of people died and so did the queen. The king, with his last strengths, escaped and took his last men on his way to the Coldwell castle. A sickness spread throughout the kingdom, leaving the few last survivors to die, as only Aldridge and his men were the only ones left from the one glorious paradise.

Silently, Aldridge's knights killed Coldwell's wife and knights, taking away the woman he loved the most, and the men who were supposed to protect him. As Aldridge climbed up the stairs to kill his enemy, he got ready to whatever was going to happen to him. He thought of his daughters, his wife, his legacy, his kingdom. Everything he had ever loved taken away by his best friend.

Already woken up, Coldwell waited for Aldridge, a sword in his hand as he made his back face the approaching king. Throwing a sword towards the king as he looked at him in the eyes, Coldwell got himself in position to attack. Aldridge took the sword and prepared himself as well. Though the duel would determine whoever would survive and who would die, hesitation and slight sadness filled the kings' eyes, almost overflowing and coming out of their eyes.

The duel started, the friendship they once had made both kings even more hesitant about their decision. Coldwell and Aldridge both thought about stopping and wanting to start again, letting go of their differences as they had already lost everything they had. Their people had suffered enough, if one of them dies, there'll be no one left to rule the kingdom. However, it was too late for one of them to stop

Coldwell, distracted, stabbed the former king, who only looked at him in the eyes before Coldwell trembled.

Coldwell fell first, the weakness and fear making him kneel to the ground and keep his hand glued to his chest in pain as he trembled. He lowered his head, holding onto the sword as if his life depended on it as the sword kept him from falling completely to the floor. Keeping only his lower half on the ground, this was the first time Coldwell had ever accepted his defeat without being defeated first.

Aldridge fell later, taking the sword out of his chest as he rested in the floor. He kneeled on one leg before giving in and accepting his fate. Only did he mutter for his friend to join in. Coldwell hesitantly crawled next to him with difficulty as the cold air in their kingdom, for the first time, made him shiver. He rested next to Aldridge, taking a small glance at him before realizing his only friend has dead

As the strong king cried a single tear before turning into a crying mess, the sword he held in his hand was directed to his neck, cutting it and letting the heavens or hells take him for his crimes.

A couple of minutes later, his men came to the room. Seeing both kings dead, they lowered their weapons and dropped them to the ground. Wanting peace, the knights took the death of the kings as an opportunity to finally end the everlasting war.

Elizabeth and Edward lived in a small but comforting cottage in a forest, far away from the rest of the world. The princess was reading a book as Edward was cooking something in the kitchen they had. Suddenly, someone knocked the door.

Not expecting any visitors, Elizabeth told Edward, who had a sword in his hand, just in case someone tries to do something

Fortunately, he only saw Aldridge's knights kneeled in from of him, keeping their helmets on their hands and glued to their chest as they kept their heads low. They pleaded for them to come back to the kingdom, telling Edward that his father is dead and so is their king.

Elizabeth came to the door to see what was going on. She gasped and widened her eyes in surprise. She asked Edward what happened and he hesitantly answered. As Edward told her what happened, the knights waited patiently. Once Edward finished explaining, they begged the couple to become the next rulers of the land

None of them wanted to be the rulers of the kingdom, but they had no choice. Edward told Elizabeth about the proposal, but she denied. She didn't want to be a queen and she made sure Edward knew, but he insisted. Without being really happy about it, Elizabeth accepted after a few minutes of discussion.

Edward soon told the knights they accepted being the new king and queen, but only after one request. They'd have a proper wedding the day the kingdom was rebuilt. Without hesitation, the knights accepted. Getting to work, after a few years, the once destroyed and forgotten kingdom became a beautiful and powerful kingdom, as it used to be.

Now, the once brave and independent prince became a king as the once innocent and beautiful princess became his queen. More people moved to the kingdom, and in a matter of months, the kingdom was overwhelmed by peace and happiness. The citizens were happy with the new rulers as the citizens from Aldridge moved in as well.

With Edward and Elizabeth being the new rulers of the land, there was only one thing left.

They wanted a son

They celebrated their wedding in a big party. Every citizen was invited as they met new kings and queens from other kingdoms and made new friends. As everything went well, a few months later, Elizabeth gave birth to a lovely child. They named her Tamara. They wanted a boy at first, but they loved the girl. They raised her as loving parents and taught her how to be like a princess.

They made her independent and brave. Intelligent and lovable. They couldn't want more than they already had

When Tamara reached 3, the queen got pregnant again.

She gave birth to a boy, who they called Thomas


	2. The Prince And The Princess

Third Person

"Sir, it's time to wake up"

Tom slowly opened his eyes, groaning softly because of the morning sunshine that peered through the blinds of his window. The light had directly targeted his face as the rays of sunshine made the dust particles around his room to be seen floating around as the prince furrowed his eyebrows.

Because of the light, his face looked even more soft and beautiful than he already was; his rather long eyelashes and almost perfect and soft pale skin. His dark voided like eyes that if you looked closely and with attention, they would even look pretty as if they were filled with stars and universes. If he was a female, he would have definitely been some competition to his sister.

He closed his eyes again before covering them with his forearm, forcing himself to stay awake as he only rested them. He took a small breath before accepting the fact that he'd need to sit up and move on in the day, soon uncovering his eyes to finally look at the ceiling of his dark blue room. Taking a glance at the maid who woke him up with soft eyes, he sat up.

"Good morning dear," A maid said as she smiled gently at him and moved to the side as Tom sat on his bed "Your knight will be here soon, why don't you get dressed first?" She said sweetly, signaling the other maids to help her out in the usual morning routine.

Tom groaned once again as he sighed, rubbing his closed eyes with his hands, as if that was going to make him less tired. He sat on the border of the bed and stood up with his eyes closed, going to his dressing room as a maid followed behind him to help him change as usual.

Tom walked up to a platform in the middle of the dressing room and stood on it. He stretched his arms and yawned as the maid searched around for the replica of Tom's clothes, only that this one was clean. Tom just stood there with his eyes still droopy as he tried to remember what his dream was about. He failed, as always, but he managed to remember just some small bits of the dream.

He shivered from the cold and caught goosebumps crawling down his back and his arms, silently cursing the maid for taking so long. Of course, it was noticeable that she was new around. She wasn't as experienced as the maid who awoke Tom up, nor she worked well under the pressure of directly serving a monarch who would determine whether you got to live or not. So long story short, she was a newbie.

The knight was tall and had light brown— and if you wanted to believe— hazel colored hair, which, somehow, was shaped with two horns. He walked down the halls and the corridor that led to the prince's room. Wearing a dark blue cape and an uniform that shielded him from the cold that always habited in this kingdom, the faint sound of his steps could almost be heard if it wasn't for the carpeted floor. His dead grey eyes and almost soulless expression looked to where his destination was.

He walked into Tom's room and opened the door causing it to creek and grab the maids' attention. He soon asked one of the maids where Tom was, who answered by pointing at the closet "May I come in, sir?" Tord Hawthorne asked with a monotone voice as he knocked on the door of the dressing room and waited for an answer.

Tom jumped slightly at Tord's voice, mostly due to the fact he just woke up, and fixed his posture as he cleared his throat and answered, trying his best to the his voice to not break and trying to say the right words.

"You may" he said while he stood in the platform, waiting for the maid to pick up a goddamn outfit already as his heart beated only a bit faster to the point he could feel it against his chest as time passed. Which was concerning since only a few seconds had passed until Tord opened the door.

Tord entered the dressing room, eyes neutral as he walked in towards Tom with his arms neatly folded behind his back "The King and Queen await for you, your Highness," Tord said "They want you and princess Tamara to eat with them this morning" looking at Tom in the eyes and blinking, he awaited for an answer or a single reaction from the prince that stood before him.

Tom mumbled a small 'Thank you' at Tord, who nodded back and closed the door, as he grabbed the outfit the maid prepared to him and started to undress. Once Tom finished to put on his clothes, he opened the door and went to the dressing table, where another maid took a brush and brushed his hair. Tord stood beside the door the whole time as he waited for the maid to finish.

Tom hoped Tord didn't realize, but he took a glance of him from time to time. He could notice Tord was trying his best to keep still and to not do anything awkward nor looking back at Tom, even with the prince's gaze on him. How uncomfortable.

After a few minutes Tom's hair was done, and the maid left, including the maid that woke Tom up, the one that made his bed, and the one that dressed him up.

"Tord" Tom called after standing up and walked through the door. Tord let Tom walk first and then he followed behind him. They walked in silence, no words spoken between the two men. After a few minutes of walking, Tom didn't notice that his sister, Tamara, walked out of her room with her own knight, Tori, on her side at the same time he did.

Tamara Coldwell, a princess well known for her talents, her beauty, and 'perfection', unlike her brother. At just 19 years, she'd made herself a reputation and made small yet significant decisions for her kingdom. Unlike some rumors, Thomas had never envied his sister, or so he likes to think. His mind was busy with other things rather than his own reputation with other kingdoms.

Both Tom and Tamara bumped into each other accidentally and chuckled for a small moment before brushing it off and walked to the dining room, while Tord and Tori only nodded at each other politely and silently. Tom and Tamara kept walking and reached the dining room, where their parents were waiting for them in the rather large room downstairs 

"Tamara, Thomas! Come join us" Elizabeth said with a soft voice as she moved her head to look at her two children. Edward was seating across her drinking coffee as he spared the two teenagers a small glance before looking away once again in silence.

Once Tamara and Tom sat down, next to each other, Edward looked at the side, nodding at Tord and Tori, who bowed at the king and left the room. A couple of servants brought breakfast on fancy plates and other served water and such in elegant glass cups. After a few minutes of this, all of the servants left, leaving the royal family alone to eat.

"So, Tamara, Thomas, how did you sleep? Today is going to be a busy day!" Elizabeth cheerfully said as she put her hands together, one on top of the other, as she said that last sentence, trying her best to smile without looking too fake.

"I slept well, Mother" Tamara answered looking at the side to see Tom "How about you, Tom?" She asked

"I slept well too." He answered as he looked at the queen with a soft gaze. "And you, Mother?" Tom asked as he grabbed a fork and started to cut the pancakes so they could fit in his mouth

"Lovely" Elizabeth answered as she also prepared herself to eat. Edward, in the other hand, excused himself and walked out of the dining room, leaving the coffee he was previously drinking as well as the food in plate, which was left untouched.

After that, an awkward silence filled the room "Tamara," Elizabeth said out of the blue

Tamara was focused on chewing the pancake as she also zoned out. She was looking at the glass of water and kept chewing slowly. At least until her mom called her "Hmm?" She hummed before she stopped looking at the glass and looked at her mother. She looked at her mom for a little more before snapping out of whatever she was going through

"Um, yes, Mother?" Tamara asked as she shook her head slightly 

"Your Father and I have been thinking," Elizabeth said "You're already 19, darling. It's time for you to find a husband, don't you think?"

Tamara choked on air just after hearing her mom's words

Husband? Marriage? 

"U—um, pardon me, Mother, could you repeat that? I couldn't hear you" Tamara stuttered as she smiled nervously 

"Honey, you're old enough for marriage. Besides, it's make the family bigger since, well, you know already" Elizabeth sighed as she closed her eyes and spoke "We think is for the better, honey" 

Tom just stayed in his seat, trying to become invisible to both her sister and mom. He was 16, he couldn't get married yet, so that must be the good thing of being young. He was often neglected, not that he cared. His own family never seemed to understand him, though he didn't seem to hold much love or tolerance to them either.

"Just think about it, you find a husband, you have children— we won't be so lonely, said from the fact that there are many young princes waiting for a princess like you" The queen suggested 

"Excuse me" Tom said as he stood up and left the room and looked at Tord before saying a small 'Let's go'. Tord nodded and followed quietly behind Tom, the voice of Tamara soon fading due to the distance as Tord kept his head low, feeling bad for the princess he had held many admiration to

Tori stayed in her place, waiting in any minute for her princess to storm out of the room. Sadly, she'd have to wait a little longer than expected

Tom and Tord walked in silence through the castle, but soon, Tom stopped walking. Tord stopped walking as well, waiting for a new command or order. Slowly, Tom turned around and looked at Tord, who looked back for a slight second 

"Is there anything wrong, your Highness?" Tord asked even though he wasn't supposed to. Tord's job consisted on just protecting Tom and following him around so he doesn't get hurt. He isn't supposed to talk to him at all, not to ask him anything. He is Tom's personal guard, not his friend. He has rules. But then again, Tord is supposed to like women. 

He often thought that he liked Tom, not that Tom knows or should ever know. He had always been confused whether he liked the prince or not. Sure, Tom's eyes held so much beauty in them and he has always been kind to Tord ever since they met. Surely the knight felt some sort of attraction to the prince, even if he tried not to

Tom himself has broke a few rules too, by asking Tord about himself or trying to talk to him as if he was a friend. 

Don't judge him, he likes Tord too

"Yeah, it's just— nothing" Tom said looking at the side "Let's go to the garden Tord" Tom said as he started walking. Knowing Tord was following him, he took advantage of the situation. Once they get to the garden, he'll think of what to say.

"Tord, I want to ask you something" Tom said as they walked around the garden, smelling the flowers "If I said I don't want to get married, what do you think my parents would think?" Tom asked as he looked everywhere but Tord.

Tord swallowed hard and cleared his throat, not expecting Tom to ask anything at all. Hell, he thought Tom only wanted to walk around the garden.

"Um, I— I don't know, your Highness" he said as he tried to not say anything else and looked away

"You know, you never talk Tord," Tom smirked as he turned around and saw the nervous knight behind him "Tell me about yourself more" he said tilting his head and keeping the smile in his face

Tord looked at the side and hesitantly opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Tom chuckling sweetly, which made Tord doubt even more whether he liked him or not. If he didn't happen to be a knight, he would have considered smiling.

"Don't worry, I know you don't want to talk right now," he smiled as he looked to the side before sighing "I though it'd just be funny to see you so scared" he spoke with the smallest smile on his face as he folded his arms behind his back before taking a small glance at Tord and turning his back on the knight

"Let's go to my room, Tord. I've been having some thoughts I've been longing to write for a while" Tom smiled and made his way to the entrance of the castle so that he would arrive to his room as he assumed that Tord was following behind.

"Of course, your Highness" Tord said quietly, lowering his head and folding his arms behind his back again


	3. The Fragment Of Tamara’s Mindset

Third Person

It's was still too early for this. Tom had already left with Tord to the garden when all of this was happening and god, did Tamara wished Tom was there to defend her

"Tori, please close the door"

Elizabeth ordered as she looked at Tamara in disbelief while she stayed in her seat— she was shocked

Tamara didn't want to get married. She didn't want to get married to a man

"Yes, your majesty" Tori said as she turned around and closed the door and stayed inside of the room, since she was called by Tamara earlier, turning around again to fold her arms behind her back and stay in silence. She made her best effort to actually stay in silence even though she desperately wanted to defend the princess. It was her job, after all.

"Tamara, your tone is incredibly disrespectful, apologize" Elizabeth ordered as she stayed in her seat, trying to not raise her voice. Her dark blueish eyes only darkened further as she kept her facial expression untouched, making her even more intimidating 

"I'm not apologizing. Why do I have to marry a prince? Why can't I just wait a little longer?" Tamara asked as she stood up from her seat and moved her hand to only mark her point even further as she furrowed her eyes in slight anger and frustration as she let her arm down to her side

"Tamara, you know that we need the family to grow, we also need it to get us in safety in case of war, think of it" Elizabeth spoke "We can never know when a kingdom is going to decide to attack or when are they going to betray us. It's better for us, Tamara. It's the best we can do for our kingdom" Calm and intimidating, Elizabeth didn't once raise her voice when she explained her reasons.

"But I don't want to get married— why don't you ask Tom instead? I'm sure he'd love to marry someone" Tamara scoffed as he crossed her arms 

"First of all, Thomas is too young to get married, and second, why do you have this attitude? For all I know, you'd be happy to get to know someone, don't you like that?" Elizabeth spoke, keeping her voice monotone, even though Tamra was getting on her nerves fast "You know, I'm getting tired of you answering to me this way, Tamara. Every single day you have an excuse to just come around and insult me" she said, leaving Tamara no option but to change the subject.

"Yes, but I don't want to be rushed at least." Tamara looked at the side as she kept her arms crossed. She stayed in silence for a couple of seconds, thinking about how to say the right words at the correct order for her mother to not be angry or offended 

"So what if I don't like men?" The words left Tamara's mouth without thinking. She knew she messed up and instantly cowered, heart beating quickly as her hands shook. She could feel Elizabeth's gaze of disapproval on her, though she stayed quiet. Only after a few minutes later, she hesitantly spoke again, stuttering as she did so

"D... Didn't you and father run away from loveless marriage? Why is it any different here?" Tamara asked, voice getting more quiet as she didn't dare to look at her mom. She knew she was angry. Elizabeth didn't raise her daughter to be into girls and she knew it. How come did Tamara get so far, yet still mess up now of all days.

"Your father and I were older, Tamara. We were older and independent. Our families tried to keep us in control, but nor your father or I do so, so why when I tell you you'll get married you won't comply? We've done everything for you, at least do us the favor to give us a grandchild, Tamara" Elizabeth said persistently.

"We didn't raise you to be like this, reconsider your words" A tone of disappointment slipped through Elizabeth's words. Tori was ready to, in any moment, suggest Tamara to leave, but didn't yet. Tori would recognize when Tamara was about to explode

"Why do you hate the thought of marrying a prince so much?" 

Seemed like Elizabeth ignored the fact that Tamara just said she liked women, since she kept asking over and over again.

Tamara just wanted to the through this fast. She felt like she wanted to cry due to her mother's persistency. So what if she like girls? That shouldn't change her relationship with her mom, but of course, Tamara's mom wouldn't listen. She has the need to be that ignorant 

"I just— I don't want to talk right now-"

"Answer me young lady" Elizabeth said as she looked at Tamara inhale deeply and close her eyes

"I said, I don't want to talk right now"

"Well, why not?"

"Because, why don't you understand?!" Tamara yelled "I don't want to talk right now, why can't you ever listen to me?!" She cried, trembling and in fear of yet another word that would come out of her mother's mouth, which is why she flinched and almost screamed of fear when Elizabeth abruptly stood up

"Excuse me, Tamara Coldwell!?" Elizabeth finally snapped, slamming her hands against the table as the sound of the plates clattering against each other could be heard, as well as the sound of the chair moving when Elizabeth stood up "Don't you dare talk to your mother like that!" Elizabeth snapped and stood up, looking at her daughter with anger and disappointment 

"You are going to get married and you won't complain, miss!" She yelled at Tamara, loud enough for maids and servants from outside of the room to hear.

Tamara looked back at her mother and sniffed, trying to hold back tears of frustration yet failed miserably as she only cried even more. As soon as she saw her mother move towards her, or somewhere else, Tamara walked back and flinched again when her back met the wall, afraid of her mother slapping her again. She covered her face as she shoulders scrunched up, trembling before seeing that Elizabeth walked back to her spot.

Tori only so slightly reached for her sword and took a step forward, ready to take action before remembering the vows of loyalty she made. She could never attack the princess or the prince, let alone a king or queen. Elizabeth noticed when Tori did such action, which was why Tori backed up and lowered her head.

So now, knowing that her knight could her and with her lips quivering and face wet with tears, Tamara slowly uncovered her face and tried to calm down, herself still latched into the wall as the fear never went away. Only after a few minutes of quiet sobbing and deep breaths, Tamara only slightly calmed down.

And with that, she stormed out the room quickly. Tori opened the door for her and closed it as she then followed Tamara to her room, leaving the queen alone in silence as now the dining table and room looked different than before.

Tori opened the door of Tamara's bedroom for the said girl to walk in. Well, rather storm in with tears in her eyes. Just as Tamara entered, Tori closed the door gently and saw Tamara sit on a chair next to the window and cry, covering her face with her hands. Sobbing uncontrollably and sounding quite pathetic, Tori's eyes saddened when seeing the strong princess quiver and tremble on her watch.

Tori sighed and locked the door and closed the blinds while she heard Tamara's cries and whimpers. Tori cursed herself internally for what she was going to do. She walked to Tamara and kneeled in front of her, trying to calm her down and grab her hands away from her face gently. Tamara looked at her with her makeup ruined and all over her face. Well, not that much, but it was noticeable that she was crying.

Tori smiled gently at Tamara and dried her tears with her thumb and looked at Tamara's voided and empty eyes. Tamara looked back at her and kept crying, but did calm down a little as she moved Tori's hand away from her face, but grabbed it and kept it on her hand

She looked at Tori's gloved hand, grabbing it with both her small, delicate and soft hands as she kept her gaze on it, avoiding eye contact with her knight.

"Tori" she quietly asked as her voice quivered, her grasp still on Tori's hand

"Yes, my princess?" Tori asked, smiling patiently as her slightly brown eyes looked at Tamara with... love? It was love. She was in love with Tamara, she wouldn't deny it, nor she couldn't. She fell in love with Tamara the moment they met. Falling for those voided like eyes that held galaxies and universes in them, falling for her beautiful and perfect soothing voice, and for her beautiful body and self. The knight had deeply fallen in love with her, which might have caused her doom

"Why does mother want to marry me to a prince?" Tamara asked as she let go of Tori's hand after enlistment she had held it for far too long, smiling weakly as she now kept her hands on her lap

"I'm not supposed to answer, but I'm sure one day she'll understand, your Highness" Tori answered as she rested her hand on Tamara's leg, not sexually or anything, but only to try to calm down the crying princess. Tamara did my expect it, though she didn't complain as she let Tori's hand rest.

Tamara sniffed as she looked at it Tori's hand for a little while before giving it a gentle squeeze and looking at Tori. Suddenly, Tori intertwined their hands and looked at them, smiling gently before looking back at the princess. Slowly Tamara closed her eyes and leaned her face closer to Tori's, getting closer to kiss her personal knight as she kept their hands intertwined. Tori saw and leaned towards the princess's face as well as she slowly closed her eyes, almost too desperate to kiss Tamara's soft and pink lips.

The two girls kissed, now with nothing to stand between them as they kissed each other lovingly. As Tori had suspected, Tamara's lips were heavenly on her own, feeling Tamara's arms around her neck as she ever so gently touched her long, soft hair. Tori's arms wrapped around Tamara's waist, bringing her closer to her as Tori tilted her head so that they could be more comfortable.

They stood up as they kissed passionately, Tori soon pining Tamara to her bed as she kissed her frail and prefect neck, both Tamara's legs on her side as Tori was between them. Tamara hummed quietly, tilting her head to give Tori as much space as possible as she only occasionally moaned when Tori playfully trailed her teeth along her neck, though she knew Tori was forced to not leave any mark behind.

Tamara cupped Tori's cheeks and brought Tori's face away from her neck so that she could kiss Tori, shivering as she felt Tori's hands travel her body and along her sides. They separated for air and panted before Tamara brought her lips back to Tori once again, only bringing her closer and closer until she felt Tori's body pressed against hers. 

Soft lips against rough ones, this was the start of a regrettable relationship.


	4. The Other Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Edited)

Third Person

Tori was awake. The cold air against her skin made her shiver slightly. Her clothes rested next to her, her hands on her lap as she looked into the mirror of Tamara's room. Tamara's room has always had a eerily somber atmosphere, as if someone was killed on that room. Perhaps only one, perhaps many others. Tamara herself was a mystery to many

She didn't have her uniform put on just yet, and her body was bare, except for the bandages around her knuckles, knees, and forearms. She trembled as she tried her best to put on her clothes as fast as possible, since she knew what would happen if she didn't. Her hands felt weak in the morning. Very weak, it seemed like it was always winter in the Coldwell kingdom.

Tori had dreamt of something pretty— something too pretty to be true. But what did she dream of? Did this dream mean anything? Perhaps not. Dreams not always have meaning, do they? One can dream of walking on clouds or flying like a majestic eagle, but what does that truly mean? Nothing. Nothing at all.

In her dream, there was a lady in a white dress. A beautiful lady, Tori remembers. The lady in the white dress stood in the border of a cliff, as the sky was painted in red blood. The lady's long hair moved along with the wind, oh so beautifully. Her white dress, white as a dove, moved along in a pattern. Such beautiful lady looked familiar, Tori thought.

The lady had no face, or at least Tori didn't remember what she looked like, though she reminded her of someone. Her dark brown and long hair, her pale and delicate skin, her thin figure. Almost too thin for comfort— the lady looked as fragile as glass. Tori shivered once again thinking of that lady. Something was off with her... something Tori couldn't exactly pinpoint what was that made her scared of that beautiful lady.

Was it her frail figure? Her long arms, and long legs, her long dark hair as dark as the color brown could go, almost resembling charcoal black... was it her smiling thin lips that looked so disturbing in the poetry that was the red sky? Why did Tori fear her instead of love her? She shivered once again, shifting uncomfortably as she did so.

The shifting woke Tamara up and her eyes opened and landed directly on Tori's back, which she examined with intent. Tori was almost finished in putting on all of her clothes back, she only needed to clip on the cape all knights carried on their backs. The cape was dark blue with thin borders of golden yellow, the cape almost long enough to reach the floor. 

The cape was a symbol of their slavery and loyalty to their kingdom, the knights who belonged to all the other terrains of the Coldwell kingdom knew. The cape was a symbol that they had just thrown their life away, and that there was no escape to this new prison.

Tamara yawned and stretched her arms, her bare upper body exposed to the cold wind. Unlike Tori, Tamara didn't mind the cold anymore. Tamara's cheeks reddened slightly at the thought of what happened the day before. She looked up a Tori, who put her hands around her mouth and blew, tying to warm her hands and rubbed them against each other before putting on her gloves. Tamara crawled the way to her and hugged her from behind, occasionally moving her hands around Tori's back as she kissed said girl's neck.

Tori sighed as she put on her boots, ready to leave but first had to get Tamara's grasp away from her. The said girl touched Tori's cheek, making Tori flinch slightly. Tamara's hands were cold. It felt like a corpse's hand.

"You need to get dressed, Tamara" she said as she took Tamara's hands away from her and stood up.

Whining at the loss of touch, Tamara sat up, still on the bed and looked at Tori, who was ready to leave and pretend nothing happened. It's not her fault though, she could get executed if anyone ever knew about them. Tamara had heard this story many times before, endlessly hearing the warnings echoing in her head. Tamara had heard this story many times, and she knew it well. 

Long ago, a princess had a royal knight. They were really close, they even considered themselves as friends. At least until the knight did something disgusting to the princess. Something horrible.

Afraid to say anything, in fear that the knight would do it again, the princess stayed silent letting her family think that the knight was a good man. The princess died without telling anyone and the knight got away with it. And only because of a maid, who saw everything, the monarchs found out.

After kingdoms heard about the princess and the knight, they all together made a law where under any circumstance, the knights shall never talk or try to be friends with who they are protecting. The reason why Tamara got Tori, instead of Tord, was because of the fear he would do the same horrible thing that one knight, from decades ago, did to that one princess.

Tom got Tord because there's no way a man could love another man. Men only love women. Am I doing this right? 

Tom is a man, and so is Tord. Not only would Tord get executed by being with Tom, but also because of liking him at the first place.

This may be a prosperous kingdom with fair rulers, but it won't be tolerated for you to like the same gender as yours. Tamara knew the consequences of those who loved who they shouldn't. Tom did so as well.

And just because that knight, who died already, did what he did, every knight now has to bare with the fact that they are really nothing but someone who is only there to protect someone else. Someone else who won't even acknowledged their struggles and won't even be allowed to acknowledge them at all. It sucked to be a knight, but for some reason, people still chose to be one.

As a knight, you are not allowed to have a family, a lover, children, spouse, wife... anything.

You are so near death, it's better if you didn't grow fond with anyone. It'd be better if no one even knew you at all, wouldn't it? 

You have no one to fight for, there's no one to greet you at the end of the day and welcome you with open arms, ready to hear about your day. There are no little children to hug you, and say that they missed you.

It's only you, and the people who don't care about you at all. Since you are only there to serve and protect. You'd be nothing else without that singular purpose. The singular purpose of risking your life for someone who you don't know, and wouldn't care less if you died for them, because you're only an object

Sometimes, people thought, that knights were just people that couldn't find any more meaning to their lives.

"Tori wait" Tamara said, becoming more doubtful about her decision as she stood up. She wore a white robe with a small ribbon at the back. She grabbed it while Tori wasn't looking, so either way, it still just a robe. She just yanked it quickly from the drawer closest to her

Tamara ran up to Tori, facing her back as she held Tori's hand, the other keeping the robe to expose her chest.

"I..." she stopped. Heart beating, the silence of the room ever so powerful, Tamara closed her eyes for a moment. The feeling of non satisfaction never died down as she thought of the order of words she had to say. What could she possibly tell Tori without hurting her? Oh, how difficult could love be, how hilarious. Anything she says would still made them both unhappy. It was impossible, really. 

"I'm going to marry a prince, Tori"

Tori didn't react. She didn't say anything, but she felt the pain in her heart, oh so painfully. Her soon trembling voice would give it all "Really?" Tori only slightly glanced at Tamara. Knowing that Tamara nodded with her gaze on the floor and head lowered, Tori sighed and let go of the doorknob she was previously holding. She blinked and took a small breath. Not so much time passed before she spoke again

"It's your own personal life, princess. I shouldn't care" Tori said, forcing herself to not break down and say what she truly felt, but that's really the funny thing. She felt like breaking down. She loved the princess, of course she did. Yet still, even being so close to the one she admired so much she's so far from being with her.

"Tori... don't call me princess" Tamara said in a sad, quiet voice as she pursed her lips. She only grabbed Tori's hands tighter, though smiled through her words later on "I know that I'll have to leave anytime soon... but that's why I want you to come with me" she smiled full of hope. False hope, being honest— not even she believed a word she was saying.

"What?" Tori turned around, confusion and distrust in her face "Come with me! The marriage wouldn't mean anything to me, my future husband wouldn't care less about you and I-" Tamra smiled as she spoke, imagining the future where she and Tori would still be together, even if it was an affair 

"I don't want that" Tori said firmly, furrowing her eyebrows, "If you are getting married, go ahead, I won't stop you. But I don't want you to cheat in your husband with me. I don't want to be the mistress. The-"

"My husband wouldn't love me! But I love you!" Tamara smiled nervously as she cupped Tori's cheeks "I only love you, so escape with me. Even in marriage, the only one I would've wanted to marry, would be you. Only you" Tamara's voice grew quiet, but tempting. Her hands trembled as she caressed her knight's cheek. She didn't look like it, but she was crazy. Perhaps for love, perhaps for some other thing, but crazy nonetheless 

She knew well that Tori wanted to come with her. Yes, it was a rather stupid choice for Tamara to suggest, but she didn't truly care, did she now?

"Thank you, Katie. You may leave now" Elizabeth said as she grabbed the cup of tea the maid just gave her, and kept sitting on the small picnic blanket and sipped the tea, enjoying its mint flavor as she read a book.The maid bowed and walked away, as Tamara and Tori walked to the garden, where Elizabeth was enjoying the fresh cold air.

The garden was full of colors, a vast change from the dark blue color of Elizabeth dress, accompanied by her dark brown and long hair

"Mother," Tamara said as she looked at her mom, who didn't notice her, so she turned around she wiped off the small smile on her face. Tori bowed at the queen before walked away from both royals, accompanied by only her thoughts "I've thought about your suggestion," she heard Tamara say "And I accept, I will marry a prince" Tamara had a small and fake smile on her face, trying her best to sound calm, but yet, cheerful 

"Ah, that's amazing!" Elizabeth said as she put her hands together and smiled. She then stood up and ordered Tori to pick up everything she left on the floor and walked away with Tamara, who glanced at Tori for a split second before looking at her mom again.

Tori picked everything up carefully as she sighed and followed them back into the castle. And once they got there, she soon gave all of those things to another maid and told her to put them where the queen keeps them. The maid nodded and Tori trotted over to the royals

Fixing her posture, she cleared her throat and shook her head, folding her arms behind her back as she followed Elizabeth and Tamara, who were talking about the wedding plans and everything that came with that. 

The people were right. Knights didn't really find any purpose to their lives anymore. At least Tori didn't.

"Tomorrow is my birthday, Tord. Are you going to give me anything?" Tom laughed as he tilted his head and smiled at the knight, who was freaking out. Tom was too close to him, their chest almost touching as Tom looked up at him and put his hands behind his back

"I—I don't know, Your Highness" Tord stuttered, clearly uncomfortable with the prince being so close to him, "I'm sure the king and queen will host a gala in your name" Tord kept his face away from Tom's as he talked, which wasn't easy with Tom purposely leaning closer.

"Hmm" Tom hummed "I asked about your present to me, Tord" Tom cooed, knowing he was crossing Tord's boundaries, but he also knew Tord had no option but to answer. His job depended on Tom, after all. Even I he didn't want to admit it, he was being more annoying than usual.

"I don't know, Your Highness." Tord gulped "What... what would you like?" 

Tord felt bad talking to Tom. He kept thinking that at anytime, someone would come over and accuse him of anything he could be capable of.

Tom spoke as he leaned closer 

"Well, I would like it if you-"

"Your Highness," a butler suddenly opened the door, making Tom flinch and quickly get away from Tord, "Yes?" He asked, asking an eyebrow. Tord sighed and calmed down, thanking the gods the butler came. "The kings needs you to come to his room"

Tord could sense Tom's clear disgust and disappointment in not being able to finish his sentence, though there was nothing he could do. He felt some sort of relief when Tom got away from him. Even if he liked the prince, or so he thought he did, he had to admit he felt sick when Tom was that close.

"Tell him I'll be there soon" Tom said to the butler, who nodded and left the room.


	5. Just A Normal Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Edited)

Third Person 

Edward Michael Coldwell was a man full of secrets. Perhaps if he had stayed the way he was younger he would have been a better man than he is now. He feels like he needs himself to be the 'god' his father once was, yet he is a pathetic man in actuality. Sometimes it's easy to feel bad for people who aren't aware they have problems. Edward had many, all throughout this childhood and to this day. 

"Oh father," he muttered, letting his elbows rest on the desk as he let go of the pen he was previously holding. As he did so, he put his hands on both sides of his face, almost hiding it, "What am I doing wrong?" He asked, silently, as if he didn't want his father to actually hear his pleas and questions. 

He looked up at the painting that was just in front of him, the painting of his father. In the painting, Nicholas was standing up proud, his gaze, so frightening to his son, "What must I do to bring you to glory, father? I've done all I can," he lowered his head back again before talking to the painting "What must I do to make you proud? What would have you done if you were me?"

He was so close to following his father's steps. He was so close to becoming a monster in disguise. Hopefully, Tom wouldn't live long enough to follow his steps

"I wonder, father, if you would be proud of my decisions," he chuckled, thinking he was crazy for talking to a painting of his late father, "What am I even doing..." he mumbled. He felt like crying, but didn't. His father— he looked at the picture one again and held back the desire to grab it and throw it away. He imagined how it would be to throw that painting away. He imagined it would feel good.

Though, with every small hint of hatred, there comes the other hint of regret. He often thinks that he should be grateful for what his parents did for him. He stared into the void, making himself feel bad for hating his father so much. He made himself remember the made up memories of his childhood, the few ones that weren't traumatizing or the ones that didn't support his hatred 

Edward so slightly wondered if Tom would ever live up to his expectations. Edward's father was extremely strict with him, yet Tom has always had a liberty Edward never had in his childhood. Knowing Tom, it was most likely he wouldn't. He would probably die young and Tamara would take his place.

"Father," Tom said as he walked to the king's room "Did you want to see me?" the door was already so slightly opened when Tom arrived, so the prince only knocked gently before coming in. Tord had followed behind him until Tom entered the room and closed the door himself. He waited outside since he wasn't allowed to enter the king's chamber. Not only he wasn't allowed to enter, he was afraid.

"Ah, Thomas, you've arrived!" Edward flinched once he heard Tom's voice. not really expecting for Tom to arrive so early, "I have something to show you, son" Edward stood up from the chair and turned the papers that were on the table around. He wanted to show Tom one of those blueprints he adored so dearly. Maybe Tom wasn't his favorite child, but even Edward knew that chances that Tamara one day were to rule his territories were really low.

He showed the blueprints and notes to Tom, who only heard and didn't talk. Blueprints, that as he said, were going to be sent by himself and his men to the Winston kingdom. A kingdom hours away from their home. 

Seems like daddy forgot his own son's birthday.

Tom walked out of the chamber once his father told him about his plans. Something about going to the Winston kingdom to build a stronger alliance or something along the lines of that, Tom didn't really care. As always, Thomas looked like his mind was in blank, as his eyes looked tired and restless— beautiful dare I say, but restless, nonetheless. He wondered why did Edward tell him such thing. They never talked, they were never together. It just seemed weird to him.

Tord saw that Tom had walked out of the room and supposed that Tom wanted to go somewhere else now. He wasn't wrong, Tom wanted to go to the garden again. Something about the garden comforted Tom, whether it was the blue flowers or the giant tree that provided shade whenever he sat down under it to read and forget.

"Tord" Tom called "Let's go" Tord knew where did he want to go, so he didn't asked and just listened and followed. As Tom started waking away from the room and searched for the stairs that led to the second floor of the palace, Tord followed him from behind and a little to Tom's left.

As they walked together on the carpeted floor under them, Tom's steps were as quiet as possible. That wasn't something Tord hadn't noticed before, he'd learnt how to distinguish Tom and Tamara's steps. Both were very light on their feet, they even seemed like ghosts by making no sound while walking. It was something Tord got used to, so despite being very weirded out by these things both siblings shared, he had grown used and even grown fond with the silence by now.

They kept walking, the silence mentioned earlier still just as strong as ever. Tom had figured he'd stay quiet this time. He didn't have anything to talk about, trying to make small talk would be worse than staying silent. He kept thinking whether his father would be the only one who would be gone tomorrow. He found comfort in believing that least Elizabeth and Tamara will most likely be there to just keep him company.

Tom walked downstairs, taking a couple of turns here and there, eventually getting to the side entrance of the castle where both Elizabeth's and Edward's thrones were. Not only a few meters in front of both thrones was the entrance, where the galas and celebrations usually took place. There was also another room not so far from the main entrance and to the right, where smaller gatherings were. And then there was the arena on the other side of other room to the left, a smaller copy of another one that was way further from the castle. Usually Tom and Tamara took their sword lessons there. Mostly Tamara, however. She found it more entertaining than Tom ever did. 

To describe the Coldwell palace would be a hard thing to do, not only for my inexperience in explaining but also because sometimes, just sometimes, you just can imagine how can a castle look like without needing to see it and without being disappointed in the outcome. Imagination can work many wonders, from how a person looks like to a world you've only read of. I suggest you use yours.

Tom kept walking and spotted Tamara and Elizabeth accompanied by Tori, who looked like she was running earlier. Well, at least she looked like she was running earlier, Tom didn't bother asking or staring at her any longer. She wasn't interesting to him.

Tom just ignored them, while Tord looked at Tori and smiled softly at her, as a way to say hi to her without actually talking to her. Tori smiled back before paying attention to Tamara and Elizabeth again, who were talking about how great it was that Tamara was accepting being forced to get married. 

Tom was now in front of a gate that protected the garden. Or probably just for decoration? Tom didn't care. Those gates needed a lot of force to open since they were rusty from how old they were. Usually Tord unlocked and opened the gates for Tom, but in this case they were already unlocked. Tord just had to push them out of Tom's way. Tom didn't bother saying thank you this time, figured Tord would be weirded out by it but in reality Tord didn't care.

Both boys stayed silent as Tom looked at the blue flowers he somehow adored so dearly. Tord didn't find a reason for Tom to be so obsessed with these flowers and this garden, but he didn't ask anything, nor did he think too much about it. As long as Tom was happy, Tord would manage to survive the day.

Tom liked to think that Tord is really the only one that truly cares about him, despite Tord's not-so-obvious disinterest in Tom's emotions. Tom walked around the big garden and sat on a bench that was nearby. He let his head fall back and closed his eyes and squinted them before blinking rapidly. He could feel the cold air on his face as he sighed once he finished blinking. The cold air let him relax more and think of comforting things, like warms arms wrapped around his waist in a cold weather or resting his head on the warm chest of someone to hear their heartbeat and sleep to it. He liked those small fantasies, they made him feel loved.

Those small fantasies kept him from remembering the fact that the people who should be with him weren't there.  
Tamara is going to leave soon to meet a new prince, and eventually her husband very soon. Elizabeth will probably be there with Tamara and Edward will spend the whole day on a trip to another kingdom. Tord was the only one that will be by his side the whole day, other than the maids and butlers

Eventually, Tom found himself joining in Tamara and Elizabeth's conversation, starting with a simple hello and how are you. A nice conversation, in honesty. It felt nice to talk to them sometimes, other times not. Tom soon found himself deciding whether to talk about whatever they could do for his birthday or he could just wait for the next day to see what happens. Tom chose the wrong choice, obviously.

"Mother, I was wondering," he stopped for a second, a really regretting asking, "What will we do in my birthday tomorrow? I'm rather excited to know what will happen" Tom asked, a little embarrassed for admitting he wanted them to celebrate his birthday.

"Oh my, I forgot..." Elizabeth mumbled as put her hand over her mouth, looking at the floor before looking at Tom again "I'm so sorry, love. Your sister and I will be very busy tomorrow," She said "We will be searching for Tamara's future husband and we already made an appointment with the Velvet Kingdom" she looked at Tom with a sad face, hoping Tom would let it go this time.

"Oh," Tom felt the shame rise in him, knowing he shouldn't have asked a thing “It's fine," Tom said, trying to not sound sad or ashamed. Tord could hear the sadness in his voice, but didn't move an inch "I'll guess we'll just celebrate later, then" He said, ready to walk away and cry in his room with Tord as his only companion.

"I'm sorry, dear. I promise we'll make it up to you. Why don’t you tell your father to-”

"Father will be out to visit the Winston Kingdom for the whole day, Mother. I suppose I'll just tell everyone to make a small party on my name" Tom smiled as he held back a frown

“Tom-” Tamara was about to speak, but Tom interrupted again, looking quite defensive “No, it’s fine. I promise, I already had plans for tomorrow, in case you didn’t have the chance to stay” he lied, "Tord" Tom said without looking at the knight. Tom walked away without saying good bye to Elizabeth nor Tamara once Tord stepped forward and got ready to follow Tom to his room.

Tord followed the prince to his cold and faintly lit chamber, where the only source of light was the window that emanated a dreadful blue, and a candle which it’s light only gave a small touch of warmth to the area it was surrounded by. Tom told Tord he could leave early today, as he would stay in his room for the rest of the day. Tord left soon after that, leaving the prince alone with his thoughts.


	6. Birthday Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Edited)

Third Person

Today was Tom's birthday, February 28th, a day he didn't like much. He was already awake and he was already dressed in his usual clothes as Doris, his caretaker ever since he was born, brushed his hair gently. Tom was never a morning person so it was normal for him to be quiet in mornings. He still had his eyes squinted, though over time his eyes slowly opened wider, finally letting him see properly.

Ever since Edward made this small trade with another king, every other maid that had to take care of Tom's bed or Tom's clothes was gone. Since Doris was the most experienced one in handling the mess that Tom was, Edward and Elizabeth figured they'd let her stay with the boy she adored so dearly.

While Tom's mind was somewhere else, Dori felt the need to make some small talk. She thought about what to say for a second and opened her mouth to say something but closed it later. Tom already looked very peaceful, there was no need to force him into talking with her.

Tom was very quiet today, usually he hummed a little or shifted around to not look so stiff. This time however, Tom didn't feel like moving around and pretending he wasn't sad. Doris opened her mouth again as she thought of what to say. She then smiled as she spoke

"So, uh, what are you doing for your birthday today, Maximilian?" She asked as she kept brushing his soft and silky hair.

"Nothing" Tom said as let out a breathy chuckle and smiled "There's nothing I can do" he looked into the distance as his smile slowly faded, though it didn't disappear. He stayed quiet for a few seconds before talking again "You don't mind me telling you a few of my thoughts, do you Doris?"

"Of course not" 

Tom chuckled again before he slowly opened his mouth, rearranging the words in his brain until they sounded right "I... I don't like my birthday, but I suppose I'm not the only one who doesn't like this day" Doris listened carefully "... Father must've known what today was and left. My mother and sister are both gone— most likely because of the same reason as my father"

"My knight— well, he doesn't care about me. All of those other maids that seemed to just a bit care about me are all gone, and every other person that my father rules over hates me," he sighed and let his head fall and rest on the chair "Sometimes, just sometimes really, it feels like you are the only one that cares. And not even you, who I've known for all my life, knows why everyone hates me so much" he felt a feeling in his stomach, a feeling you only get when you want to cry, yet can't. He breathed in and out, continuing "My own family is gone for my birthday, it'll only be a matter of time they don't even try to hide the fact they hate me."

"They make it look like me being born was the worst thing that could've ever happen to them"

"What did I ever do to them, I wonder sometimes", he chuckled again, not taking himself seriously as he talked "I hate them"

Doris stayed quiet as she processed what Tom had said. It took a few minutes of silence for her to finally speak, but Tom interrupted her before she could say anything

"Doris," he said "Promise me you won't tell anyone about this conversation, please. Please promise me we won't talk about it ever again" Doris could only see the back of his head as he talked, though she knew Tom wasn't smiling anymore. She didn't know if Tom meant everything he just said but she nodded in response nonetheless 

"Your knight told me he would arrive a little later today, Tom. Maybe you could stay in your room for a while before heading out"

There was a knock on the door, making Tom flinch and quickly closed shut the notebook he was writing on. He looked past his shoulder as he hid his notebook somewhere in his desk "Come in" he said, looking at the door intently and his eyebrows furrowed in slight annoyance.

The door slowly opened, and Tord stepped in, making Tom widen his eyes a little

"Tord," he said "You're here" there was a small hint of surprise and hope in his voice. He had gotten up his chair and walked up a little closer to the knight, though he noticed said person held something behind his back. He looked at the knight's arm with curiosity, though he didn't have to wait for long until Tord revealed whatever he hid

"Happy 16th birthday, Your Highness" Tord, showing Tom what he was hiding behind his back, revealing a small bouquet of blue and white flowers. It was mostly blue flowers, however. Tom recognized those flowers— they were hyacinths, but only the blue ones though. The white ones were common and boring white small flowers for decoration. The bouquet itself wasn't as big as Tord would've wanted it to be, but he didn't care. He felt the need to get the prince something for his birthday, even something as insignificant as a small bouquet of flowers.

Every time Tom would go to the garden Tord payed close attention to which flowers grabbed Tom's interest and which kept the young prince away. Really, even if it didn't seem like it, Tord remembered the few things Tom didn't like and the ones he did.

Tom widened his eyes a little to show surprise. In honesty he couldn't care less about the flowers, they'd die quicker than a fly. Still, he thought it was nice to see Tord trying to make him happy. He smiled and took the small bouquet; despite his uninterested nature, he appreciated the gift and looked at it with happiness in his eyes. They didn't shine, but he was clearly feeling happy 

"I hope you like them, Your Highness" Tord bowed at Tom and then looked at Tom to see his response. Tom only smiled at him, with no words to say, "Thank you" he said quietly, not being used to be gifted things. Well, that was a lie, but he wasn't used to genuine gifts, if this could be considered one.

"I... I figured you'd like to go to the garden when you are ready, y-your Highness" Tord said, ready to move on with the 'birthday' party. He looked at the bouquet of flowers before looking at Tom, only to realize Tom was looking at him too. They made eye contact before Tord quickly looked away in embarrassment. Tom smiled in attempts to make the situation less aware and chuckled "Yes, I think the garden is the best choice" he also had looked away, but there was no denying he enjoyed the few moments of eye contact.

Tom smiled as they walked to the garden, looking at the beautiful decoration. It seemed like Tord had done all of this for him. Only him. The thought was selfish but Tom couldn't care less. Even he couldn't deny the comfort it brought to him seeing Tord doing all of this for him.

There were lights hanging around the gates and all around the garden, there were no gardeners today which only made it all better and there was a picking blanket next to the big oak tree where Tom used to sit and read with Elizabeth and Tamara, back when he was younger and Tamara and Elizabeth still had time for him.

"Tord, did you— did you do all of this?" Tom said as he walked towards the oak tree and reminisced of when he was younger. Tord nodded as Tom had turned his back on him but quickly turned around to see him. He had a genuine smile in his face as he had turned around and walked to the knight. His eyes didn't shine, but he was happy. 

Tom smiled as he grabbed the knight's arms, lowering his hands almost to the point where he was holding Tord's, but stopped at his wrists instead "It's beautiful" Tom said, looking deep into Tord's silver eyes for only a moment before looking away

Tord smiled and cleared his throat, pulling his wrists away from Tom's grasp and looked all the way back into the oak tree where a couple of Tom's favorite sweets and small treats were in a small basket. Tom looked at Tord, a little too excited, before walking towards the tree and looking around to see the warm colored lights hanging around. He then sat down and gently patted a space next to him for Tord to sit in. Tord hesitated, but accepted nonetheless, sitting a bit further away from Tom

The hours passed by slowly, the sky was a beautiful gray as the clouds covered some of the sky in the perfect places. The day was cloudy and chilly at the same time; a climate Tom had always enjoyed. He found comfort in looking at the vast light gray sky without anyone to interrupt his thoughts and daydreams.

Tord and Tom didn't talk, letting most of their worries melt away as they only focused on enjoying the moment, both calm as they take deep breaths at the chilly air. Tom grabbed some treats from the basket, sometimes offering Tord some, but the taller male didn't accept, telling the prince they were only for him. The day was beautiful, and this moment alone would have make Tom happy for the rest of the day, which made him wonder what awaited for him when he went to the library. It was his birthday after all, he could do whatever he wanted.

When they got to the library, Tom got extremely excited just at the sight of the huge place. He turned around to see Tord with a smile and practically dragged him around the place, loving the facts that there was no one but the two boys in the library.

Grabbing multiple books from the shelves, not worrying about making some other books fall to the floor, Tom sat on the carpeted floor and put a pile of books beside him. Preparing to read for the next couple of hours, Tom focused entirely on the stories of the book he was reading while Tord picked up everything Tom accidentally threw or pushed away.

Tom was truly enjoying himself as he read, telling Tord to seat next to him to read together, by which he taller male agreed. Tom was reading, constantly having to stop to give Tord more time to read the rest of the page. Tord didn't get an education such as Tom's, so to Tom's dismay he had to wait a little too long for Tord to catch up to his reading.

The carriage waited outside the library for the other part of the day, the sun almost setting just when Tord noticed it was already very late. He thought the party would end right there when he led Tom to his room and they'd call it a day. However, Doris and other maids had another idea in mind.

Tord told Tom he would pay for the books Tom chose, and then both exited the library. With Tom beside him and having multiple books on his lap as he had a huge smile on his face, but he wasn't expecting whatever awaited him in the castle and neither did Tom.

Tom was looking out the window of the carriage, the books on his lap as he looked out at the darkening sky with his fist supporting his head, What the..., he slowly shifted to focus on the castle as he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He squinted his eyes before he realized. His birthday was probably ruined now.

Tord had also noticed as his face expressed confusion as well. According to him he didn't know about any party or ball for Tom's birthday. As they got closer the music grew louder and louder, causing Tord to panic. Was this day ruined now? What did Tom think about this? "Tord-" Tom said quietly without looking at the knight beside him as he kept looking at the window with focus "I-I don't know what's happening, Your Majesty" Tord stuttered.

People cheered when the gates of the castle opened, 'celebrating' Tom's birthday. Tom and Tord stood in shock in front of the gates, looking at the people party and cheer for a prince they most certainly didn't care about. People were singing, others dancing with their significant others in the large ball room. There were women with beautiful colorful dresses and men with dark colored suits, like dark brown, blue, and many others too. It was a pleasant sight to look at, looking at people who haven't even met each other dance together in such beautiful patterns and synchronization.

Tom thought it would be nice to dance that way, feeling the happiness and utter peace those people seemed to feel as he could dance with his loved one, grabbing them by their waist or their shoulders, smiling as they feel the time go by so slowly as hear the beautiful music play in the background of their own little world.

What a beautiful dream.

Tom stood there watching people dance, until some other eventually approached him and got him to walk his way to his father's throne. They grabbed him by the shoulders, and some pushed him from behind. Tom, being as awkward as he was, only looked and moved along to their demands, forgetting he was the one supposedly in change. Tord followed close behind him as he occasionally scared people to stop touching the vulnerable prince.

They eventually got him to sit in the throne and then went back to the dancing floor, where Tom and Tord would simply watch them. Tom didn't know what to do; he had never been anywhere near his father's throne, let alone seat on it. What should I do now?, He asked himself, Should I just stare at them and smile? What if someone sees me, what do I do then?

Tord felt Tom's nervousness and tired to do something, anything, but he couldn't think about what to do. At least until he figured he could take Tom to his room. Tord leaned over to Tom's ear and whispered his suggestion "Your Highness," he whispered in Tom's ear. The prince flinched but answered back quickly, "Yes?"

"I suggest you go to your room" Tord finally said, Tom processing the suggestion and looking into the castle before nodding and hesitantly standing up. Tord stood up straight again as Tom got off the throne chair and watched the prince walk away trying not to get noticed. Tom had managed to avoid eye contact and anyone's attention as he climbed up the first group of staircases before looking back at Tord who stood beside the throne. He looked like he wanted to look after the people in case anyone got injured, but Tom had a different use for Tord today.

"Tord!" He screamed/whispered to Tord all the way up from the stairs, resting his hands and leaning on the railing for Tord to hear him better, but the music playing loudly prevented the knight to hear him. Tom tried again to gain the knight's attention, but failed, He's probably ignoring me at this point, Tom thought as he looked intensely at the man. He tried many times before Tord finally managed to hear him. 

Just barely, but Tord heard him and looked around before looking at the stairway literally next to him. There was Tom, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance by Tord not listening, but this annoyance looked rather cute than actually intimidating to Tord. Tord looked at the dancing floor for one last time before walking up to the stair way, only a few centimeters under the prince looking down at him. "Yes, your Highness? What do you need?" He asked

"Follow me to my room, now" Tom said, eyes focused on Tord's movements as he watched the boy walk to the first staircase and start climbing up from there. Tom watched and started to climb the stairs quickly himself. As they climbed up the stairs of the castle and headed up to Tom's bedroom, Tom kept quiet, which was normal for Tord now. Tom's steps were quick compared to Tord's, who had to constantly try to keep up with the impatient prince.

Tom's heart was beating quickly, not only from his movements but also because of his intentions. He was nervous, to say the least. Nervous was an understatement for Tom's true feeling. He felt like his heart pounding out of his chest, he could even feel the beating up to his head and felt himself trembling slightly. He felt like butterflies were in his stomach, flying around with nowhere to go, but this butterflies were more intense than they have ever been in his now 16 years of life.

"Your Highness, is everything okay?" Tord asked as he looked at Tom close the blinds and close the windows too. Tom walked past him and locked the door, looking at the doorknob as the door made a click sound, signaling that now they were stuck together, and that no one, even if they tried, could enter. "Your Highness?" Tord asked a little worried before Tom turned around with his eyes glued to the knight's chest. He chuckled dryly and quietly before stopping to think correctly.

He walked to Tord, what the hell am I even doing, he thought as he looked into Tord's eyes, "I'm sorry" he said quickly, and before Tord could ask or say anything, Tom covered Tord's eyes with his hand and kissed him.

Tord could feel the confusion within himself, panicking as he stayed frozen. He didn't know what to feel, happiness? Disgust? Fear? Tord didn't know, he couldn't figure out his feelings. He tried pushing Tom away from him, but the prince didn't want to. He had waited all of these years for this moment, he couldn't let go of Tord now.

Tord was his.

Tom grabbed Tord by his cape and pushed him to the bed, making the knight fall to the bed on his back and the prince stay on his lap. Tord tried pulling away again as he felt himself getting out of breathe, pushing Tom but Tom pulled away himself to breathe too. When Tom did, Tord coughed and moved his head to the side, hiding his face from Tom. He started coughing and trying to catch his breath as he felt Tom try to cup his face with one of his hands to kiss him again. He could feel slight disgust build inside him, he thought he never felt this way about the prince, so now that Tom was doing this, he couldn’t help but feel disgusted and afraid.

Tom knew Tord wanted to get away from him, but he didn't care. Tord wasn't a person to him right now, he was an object for his own pleasure and satisfaction. Thinking about it, Tom's view of Tord hadn't changed much. Tom always carried a small knife around, in case anyone tried anything so the small dagger came in handy. He took the dagger off around his belt and hovered it on Tord's neck, eyes cold as he stared into Tord's afraid ones.

"Don't move"

Tord stared in fear as he watched Tom slowly unbuckle his belt. With Tom's dagger over his neck almost cutting through it, he had no choice but to completely stay still and watch Tom do what he wanted to do. He remembered the times he considered the prince was a nice person who was just misunderstood and overshadowed by his sister and family. He remembered when he thought he liked the prince.

He was sure he didn't like him anymore.


	7. It’s Only False Hope, My Dear

Third Person

Tord was afraid. He had been afraid the first time he entered this cursed kingdom, and after many years he was still afraid. Not because of the war and battles he'd get himself into, but the people he served. The rumors that knights didn't want to live anymore were mostly true in many cases. In Tord's case though, that wasn't true. Despite it not being the truth, Tord was sure he'd rather die than stay with the man who he'd trusted once, if only a little.

Tom hadn't touched him, he didn't at all. Tom had him touch him, and do the things Tom wanted he to do. Why did Tord surrender under Tom's command? He was an intimidating person, despite his young age and fragile and thin figure. Now that Tord thought more about it, he couldn't believe he, a 19 year old, surrendered to a 17 year old boy who barely knew what he was doing all the time. It was embarrassing, really.

Tord, just like Tori many weeks ago, had woken up earlier than his partner, if you could call Tom that. He moved his hand to his back touched the scars Tom had left from past night. The memories of yesterday came to Tord's mind; he felt horrible, like a used toy. A broken one too. The blood of those scars had dried and were now a scab in Tord's back, not that anyone would ask him how did he get them. The real issue was if Tord left any trace in Tom's body or Tom's bed.

He closed his eyes and rested his elbows in both his legs, feeling a cloud of dread and just confusing feelings over him. It was like a storm that wouldn't end until he forced the feelings down his mind. He closed his eyes as his hands touched the back of his head until they dragged down to the back of his neck. Once he built enough courage, he turned to face Tom. How could someone as... beautiful... and fragile like Tom would cause such feelings to him? How could Tom, out of anyone, intimidate him the most? Tord didn't know, didn't care, as he scooted a little closer to his abuser and looked at his face.

Tom's eyes were closed, and his mouth a little opened as he breathed softly, as if he was having a pretty dream. His dark chocolaty wavy hair was messy, and his long eyelashes stood out, as if Tom himself had wanted to show them off. Tord inspected the boy's face before looking down at his body, covered by the bed's whitequilt. He sure didn't want to do this, but if he wanted to live, which he thought he didn't, he'd have to see if he left any marks on Tom.

Without Tord's company, Tom woke up without moving an inch. He felt different today. Normally he'd feel empty, shallow, as if he didn't have emotions. Today, however, he felt calm and a little happy— well, not really but he wasn't sad or angry or neutral. He, in short, felt better than he usually did. He felt cold, however, and soon realized that there was supposed to be someone next to him, or behind him, he didn't know. Didn't remember.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he felt that he wasn't holding Tord's hand anymore, or didn't hold anything of Tord's, showing that Tord was gone, or that maybe everything was just a dream. Those thoughts made Tom ask himself is yesterday really happened. He was glad to know it did. Did he remember exactly what happened? No, he didn't, but he was glad to know that Tord would never leave him now. Either from fear, or if he somehow falls in love with him. Tom hoped it was the second option.

The prince sat up on his bed, wearing his white pajamas. He looked around the room, only to notice it looked as if Tord never entered his room, and his clothes weren't scattered on the floor like yesterday. All of the clothes were folded neatly in the drawers, some of Tom's other clothes were in the dirty laundry basket. It looked like Tord cleaned up everything before he left.

Tom tried to shift positions, but winced in pain instead, his legs aching as he shifted slowly. Tom groaned quietly and closed his eyes in annoyance, knowing that if he told anyone about his pain, either way they would suspect something happened the night before, which is something neither Tord nor Tom wanted in their lives. He managed to sit up on his bed and look at the floor. Nothing interesting, he thought, Just the carpeted floor 

A couple of minutes later, the door opened, Doris came into the room looking at the floor before rising her head and slightly widening her eyes in surprise to see the boy awake "Thomas! You're already awake!" Doris said with her sweet voice. She walked up to Tom to help him get up, and as the boy slowly rose up, he flinched a little as he tried to stand up. This caused Doris to panic a little and look at him with concern

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Doris asked, grabbing his forearms near his elbow and helping him sit letting him sit on his bed again

"I, uh," he thought of an excuse ", did not manage sleep well last night" Tom chuckled as smiled softly and tried to assure the older lady that it was just the bed that made him not sleep well "Maybe it was all the noise downstairs" he said before realizing Doris would probably get hurt by the comment. He didn't say anything else after that, and assumed Doris would only ignore it like he did.

"Are you sure? Do you want to rest here, or maybe stay here if you want?" "No, no, it's fine— really!" Tom chuckled nervously "I'm sure I'll stop hurting with time" Doris only hummed, not suspecting a thing "Let's just talk, maybe I'll forget this annoying pain" Tom smiled, crossing his legs —which wasn't easy— and putting his hands in the space between them, to look more approachable to the maid "How- how's your family?"

Tom couldn't care less about Doris' family, but he went along with the conversation and nodded along with whatever Doris was saying. Surely he'd start thinking about many other things while Doris only bought him more time to waste in getting rid of the pain on his goddamn butt and legs. It's not hard

"Oh my," Tom gasped "I wished I could lend you some of my money, but... my father wouldn't let me. Neither would Mom" Tom said a he played along for Doris' happiness. Tom did want to feel a few pity or maybe guilt for her, but he just couldn't. He wasn't interested.

"That's really kind of you, dear, but i'm sure it's going to sort itself out. There's no need for you to worry about me" Doris smiled at the prince, thinking he was a nice person. She even loved him as if he was her own child. Tom would probably be a better person if he actually was Doris' son "Well, I'm glad you told me about your life, Doris, just remember that I'm here for you" 

Doris had finished brushing Tom's hair as she walked out of the room. Tom waved at Doris, though he only brought his hand a little higher, almost at the same height as his chest. Probably a little lower. As Doris finally closed the door, he noticed the pain started subsiding. He stayed at his position, looking at his shoes as he heard a small conversation. Probably Doris with a man. The man sounded a little agitated maybe, Tom couldn't make out the words they were saying but the man definitely didn't sound calm. Tom soon, though, recognized the voice only barely.

The voice was Tord's.

A little rush of excitement ran through Tom's spine, and his heart started beating faster. Was it excitement? Most likely. He could hear Tord's unhesitant carpeted steps, hearing him saying goodbye to Doris and her saying it back until Tord finally walked closer to the door and knocked.

"..." Tord didn't say anything for a moment, closing his eyes and letting his head softly rest agains the wooden door. "Your Highness," he managed to get the words out his mouth "May I come in?"

"You may"

Tord didn't want to come inside and see Tom's face. Judging by Tom's tone, he was most definitely excited to see him. The feeling wasn't mutual, but Tord thought he had to enter the room either way. He stepped inside, feeling dead as usual. 

Maybe that myth about knights wasn't so false after all 

They looked at each other in the eyes. Tom's heart skipped a beat, feeling Tord's dead eyes as mistaking them as loving ones. Tord looked at Tom's black and voided eyes. They truly looked beautiful. They looked like Tamara's, just that his eyes weren't like a dark hole, everything that reached to it, or in this case her, was destined directly to their doom. Tom's eyes were like the galaxies, full of stars and universes. What a funny comparison between siblings, actually

Tom was the first to make the move, walking up to Tord slowly as Tord only looked at him without making eye contact. With Tom closer, Tord's instincts went over the roof. He felt the bad type of butterflies in his stomach. They weren't the type that were caused by love, they were the ones that tried their best to escape, flying around as if their life depended on it. 

With Tord noticing his every move , Tom grabbed his shoulders slowly and softly and kissed him with his soft and pale lips. Tord had nothing to say, he could only stay where Tom had put him. He swallowed hard as he didn’t kiss back. For only a few seconds though, as he decided to give in and put his hands barely on Tom’s waist. They held the kiss for a while before Tom separated himself from Tord and looked at his chest to avoid eye contact.

He hugged the man without a warning, before whispering a few words in his ear. Tord almost trembled as Tom spoke “I love you” he said quietly after finishing his threat. His words even seemed like whispers as if he even didn’t want Tord to hear him, despite he himself being very desperate for Tord’s love. His hands were on Tord’s back as his closed his eyes. He felt in paradise, with the man he had always longed for finally on his hands and under his control. Tord hugged him back with hesitation, before almost whispering too

“... I love you too”

Elizabeth and Tamara eventually arrived at the castle from their trip. They apologized to Tom for not being there for his birthday, but Tom assured them he wasn’t upset in the slightest, and that he had a great time whilst they were gone. Tord stood in the distance, away from them since he wasn’t allowed to be too close to the queen or princess. As he barely managed to hear their conversation, he looked at Tom’s face

He was happy, happier than he has ever been. As Elizabeth and Tamara gave him meaningless gifts that worked more like bribes, Tord wondered if saying I love you back to Tom was a good choice.

Why give him false hope, he asked himself


	8. Dearest Diary

Third Person

"I love how people can move on. Life truly is a peculiar yet fascinating thing. You make friends, you have fun, you like the same things, and then one day they just seem to disappear without a trace. I don't have any friends, of course, but if I had, then I fear this would happen to me too."

"Those friends you made years or months ago are gone now. They're not always going to be there. They're not always going to like the same things. Maybe they liked this book you read, but moved on now. They like other things, they do other things. It's funny. Sometimes I'd like to move on too. Start all over. Remember the thrill of not knowing how to answer to a compliment or a gift I got one day, remember the happiness it brought me."

"Remember my first time being aware of this so called 'power' then forget about it. Start from scratch. New obsession, new people to meet. New book to read, new characters to obsess over. Perhaps the thought of just forgetting the happiness one thing brought to you is what makes me fear forgetting. I don't want to forget about anything. I never want to forget this place, this flowers I've taken care of before, these people I've met and grown to love— I don't want to forget"

"But one day I'll have to."

"That's what I fear. I don't fear death. I don't fear the dark. I fear forgetting."

"Today I met the most interesting man in the world, I think. His name, I had yet to know. But from just looking at him, even in the distance, I couldn't help but feel a small interest in him grow on me. This interest went away very soon, but I had nothing better to do than to watch him and his... sister? I didn't know. He wasn't in the throne room like other knights that came and went with time. They were in the garden, perhaps my parents were trying to paint a good first impression."

"I was sure they weren't going to last long in this cursed place. Even I wanted to leave”

"Other maids and servants were walking around here and there, possibly decorating the throne room and entrance for the ceremony dedicated to new knights that will work for both my sister and I. Both him and his friend were quite peculiar. They looked as if they were both really quiet and serious. How would I know that, though? I wasn't allowed out of my room, I couldn't be able to get to know them more or watch them closer even if I tried."

"They both looked alike, as if they were brothers. I did notice the girls hair color was different than the man's. Perhaps they were cousins, or related in some kind of way. The girl could have been a future love interest, and she had the potential, but I wasn't interested in her. I was too busy thinking about man next to her. I couldn't see the man from a closer view, so I watched him all the way from my balcony. I could not hear what they were talking about, for the birds chirped loudly"

"In a few days, I think maybe five, they ceremony would take place. I wished time would go faster, but here it feels like time had slowed down."

"I was finally able to take a look at the man, or should I say: Tord. His name was quite peculiar for me. Tord. I've never heard that name or a name similar to that before. Maybe he was from someplace elsewhere. He didn't look like my sister and I. He wasn't as pale as we were, and he didn't have the same accent as we did. I believe he's from maybe Norway, or from Northern Europe or something along the lines with that."

"I was sure that Tord would get assigned to be my knight, since mother told me so, other than the fact neither my parents wanted a man near Tamara. My sister got Tord's friend as her personal knight, as I got Tord. Maybe I just got him because she didn't care about me as much as her."

"Maybe I'm just overthinking things."

"I'm curious, Mother says that men cannot be with other men, but I must admit, how would it feel to be with a man such as Tord? How would it feel to be with a man just overall? The idea doesn't seem so bad to me honestly, but who am I to say what's right or wrong?"

"Independently of having a female knight or male knight, I can't help but feel jealous of my sister. She would probably make both of them fall in love with her. How wrong would that be? My sister flirting with my knight? And not only him, but hers too? Imagine if that happened, it would be crazy. Maybe too crazy for comfort."

I wouldn't change Tord for anyone, not even Tamara's knight. After all, now that he's my personal knight, doesn't that mean that he practically belongs to me now? He's like a dog, he would do everything I'd ask him to do. I could ask him to jump off a cliff and he'd obey me without thinking twice."

"How charming :)"

"I wished that men could be with each other. I wished I could be allowed to be with men too. Mother says that people that think like that are crazy, and aren't sane. Father says the same but got a little more defensive than my mom. I wonder if he held a special hate to this subject, not that it mattered, really. It doesn't matter that I'm thinking this either, no one needs to know I have these thoughts. I'm going to get rid of this page anyway"

"Today was my first day with Tord as my assigned knight. He's too quiet, even if silence comforts me, he held a different type of silence. It was an awkward one. I just wanted to leave him alone and go lock myself inside my room; I expected today to be so much different and better than it actually was."

"Despite my immense disappointment in Tord's behavior, I did notice he had quite the soothing voice. It was beautiful, almost bone chilling, I must admit. Today I even got to see his smile, only for a slight moment before he wiped it off his face. I think he saw his friend when he smiled so I guess they weren't actual friends and were actually relatives."

"He had such a beautiful smile, I can't wait to know him more. Seems like he still won't open up to me, even if I order him to but it just makes me want to know him more. He looked so mysterious and serious. I feel like when he gets to open up to me, it'll be more satisfying"

"For now, however, I can't help but wonder how can I hear his voice more."

"Today we met with some kingdoms in a gala. The Velvet Kingdom, Winston and many others I didn't remember the names of. The room was full of princes and princesses dancing and getting along well. Even my sister left me alone to rot in a table as she went in a danced with some random prince in the middle of the ball room."

"Once again, she grabs the spotlight and doesn't let it go anywhere away from her."

"Mother told me that one day, any of those princesses would be my wife, and that I should check who did I liked the most, but I couldn't focus on them. They weren't ugly, of course they weren't. There were actually multiple princesses I could feel myself possibly attracted to, and their beautiful dresses didn't help but I wasn't in the mood for searching for my future bride. I was too busy watching Tord dance with someone else that wasn't and would never be me."

"Perhaps if I danced with a princess, I'd grab Tord's attention."

"Why did Tord even want to become a knight? Now that I built the courage to ask my father about it, he told me that since they were always so close to death, they couldn't be in a relationship with anyone. I even heard this one myth about them, though I don't remember what it said anymore. Something about not finding meaning in something. I should go ask Doris about it again sometime."

"As for Tord, he's just as silent as he always is. He always hears about my problems, but never says anything. I've, for some reason, grown fond with his silent ways. As if I knew that he did support me, but wasn't allowed to say anything. I feel like Tord is much more kind that he seems at first glance. But who am I to determine how good of a person is he? I could go get myself in danger to see if he saves me, but that is his job, after all. He would definitely protect me from whatever reckless and dangerous thing I do. Maybe if I got someone else in danger, it could prove my theory."

"But for now, I can only wonder."

"As usual, my parents fought when it was already late. Both my sister and I were awake, our knights as well. It was raining outside, so I couldn't take my usual walk through the garden, so I had to settle with the inside of the castle. I sometimes wished my parents just got separated if they hate each other so much."

"I heard many tales about their history, how they escaped together and ruled this kingdom from a very young age. They 'sacrificed' many thing to be together and all of that crap Mother says to Tamara when she's angry and tried to guilt trip her. I can't help but scoff internally whenever Mother brings that same story up. Why can't she let it go, I wonder?"  
"It didn't matter if they escaped together; they hate each other now. Why live in such an unhappy way for the sake of a small tale told to children?"

"Mother told us what happened to knights that didn’t follow orders. She told us what happened to knights that did bad things. Liking men is a crime deserving of death in this kingdom so I guess I'm a criminal now. I wanted to die anyway. There's nothing good in here, no one who I truly care about other than Doris. Huh! How funny! No one can even match to a garden. I love a garden and its flowers more than a human being"

"Dearest Ares,  
Lovely Aphrodite.  
Strongest Fire,  
Deepest ocean."

"You, my red carnation,  
I'll be your pleasure and pain.  
You, my wild rose,  
My heart will ache for you."

"Tulips are meant to be passion  
While the purple Hyacinth is sorrow."

"Regardless of which flower you are,  
I know you are the loveliest.  
Regardless of which element you are,  
we will always be the opposite of the other"

"Look at me in the eyes.  
Tell me how much you despise me  
We both know it's a lie anyway."

"I offer you my apple blossom,  
And I give you flowers hoping you would understand  
I could say yes to your demands,  
But I hold a yellow carnation in my right hand"

"Kiss my neck while I hold a knife next to yours.  
Love you every night but hate you by day.  
Use me as if you truly loved me,  
But leave when the day starts."

"I love you, but there's something wrong.  
I hate you, but there's something right  
I love to hate you, dearest Ares  
I hate to love you, my lovely Aphrodite"

"..."  
"I suck at poetry"

"I heard flowers depending on their type and color meant many different things. Tulips, for example, represent passion, while a wild rose meant pleasure and pain. Well, I think they mean that, I know a book about this is somewhere lost in the library."

"I remember Tamara wrote a poem for my Mother and Father. Even I read it and I must admit she's way better at this than I'll ever be. I wonder what it takes to be good at poetry. Is it practice? If it is, then what exactly does someone practice to be good at that? Mother said that she loved the poem, I think she even cried. How talented must someone be to make someone cry reading a piece of paper with about, I don't know, 4 paragraphs?"

Torn pages. Some stained with tears, others half burnt, and others messily scribbled all over until nothing but ink could be seen, Tom's diary was a mystery to those who wanted to find out of the many secrets the young prince hid. The journal seemed to be incredibly empty, all of the pages where he wrote in his deepest and darkest thoughts were missing. Not that Tom would admit what he wrote there was true or not. He didn't want anyone to know. And by the time someone actually asked the question Tom would already be dead.


End file.
